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Mothering and Fathering – Why We Don’t Outgrow The Need For Both (4.15 minutes)
Recently I was quite ill. I won’t go into the details, because that part really doesn’t matter. What matters is that for more than a month I was really too sick to go to the store or even really fix myself something nourishing to eat. I am lucky in that at 63 years of age I met a wonderful husband who has filled so many roles in my life. For the last month he has been my mother and father, and my cook and nurse. When I was frustrated that I couldn’t get my angel talks done because I was just too fuzzy to think, he comforted me and more than once endured my crying on his chest. I told him awful stories about my childhood that I had never shared with anyone else. I told him about being repeatedly burnt as a child with cigarettes by my mother, uncle, and aunts. Somehow voicing this made the hurt vanish. I got from my husband the sort of support one expects from a loving mother or father. For that I will always be grateful. Being ill let things bubble-up in my mind about my less-than-ideal childhood that needed to be expunged. I would say most of the hurts of that time were wiped clean by his kindness. I’m not writing this just to praise my husband; it is a reminder that sometimes angels accomplish miracles with us that look like curses. I considered my being sick a curse, but what it did was give me time to look at my life and see what needed to be tossed out of my psychological closet. The angels gave me the love of a mother and a father through my husband, and filled a huge gap in my soul that really needed patching. So what does this mean for the rest of us? It means that when called upon we have to be mothers or fathers for our friends in need. The deepest wounds are sometimes hidden behind the biggest smiles. So, the next time that I ask a friend how they are I am going to look deeper into their eyes and see if they need the kind of care that my husband (and my dog) gave me during this time when I was as helpless as a turtle on its back. What the angels have given me are sharper eyes and an understanding to not always accept “I’m okay” as an answer to “How are you” with my friends. I now know to look deeper, as my husband did for me, and to be available as if I were their mother. We all need mothering and fathering once in awhile, even if we have gray hair! I would love to hear your comments. Feel free to contact me below or via www.ihearangels.com. I don’t have all the answers, but I do have a shoulder. |
